The hardest part of being a teacher

I'm including this picture because it's of Tarifa, and Tarifa is one of the windiest places on the planet. Get it? Wind?

Confirmed: The hardest part of being a teacher is pretending not to notice when someone farts in class.

It happened yesterday. 9:23 a.m., science class. Twenty six halfway inert fifth graders. The class was silent and drowsy, listening to me drone on in English/jibberish about arachnids and arthropods. At one point I paused, midsentence, to write something on the chalkboard. 

All was quiet.

Then, it happened.

A loud, deep ripping sound rent the air. I dropped the chalk. All eyelids flew open. Wide open.

Immediately the air was electric with suspicion. The children swiveled their heads, eyes narrowed, hunting down the guilty party. He wasn't hard to find.

He sat bolt upright, frozen to his chair, with his mouth open in surprise and his eyebrows arched halfway up his forehead in shock. 

A titter escaped. Then a giggle. Then the tide broke loose, and the guffaws began and the whole room was rollicking with mirth. Slapping each other's backs, heads thrown back, arms holding sides to prevent them from splitting. I was standing at the board still, trying madly not to laugh more than was absolutely physically necessary. It was after all a stupendously loud fart, and I am only human.

The guilty party finally unfroze. The first thing to move were his eyes which started darting from side to side and then he finally turned his head, blinking rapidly in wonder at our reaction.

Yeah, kid, I thought, I think we noticed.

The kids were still howling and the joke showed no signs of getting old.

For the sake of the poor kid, someone had to do something. I cleared my throat, and tried to pretend my laughs were actually coughs, in a performance that convinced no one.

"Uh, so as I was saying, spiders have eight legs..."

Pablo raised his hand. 

"Yes, Pablo?"  I was relieved for an interruption.

The gleeful response: "Carlos threw a fart."

And then I gave up and laughed really, really hard.