Ten things I hate about....well, just ten things I hate

The ground is marble and I do not like it because it's too slippery.

Someone told me recently that my blog is always cheerful and full of pretty pictures and I said, "you want grumpiness? I'll give you grumpiness!"

So, here we go.


Things I Do Not Like:

1. "Stinking" when used as an adjective. Example: "that is so stinking cute!" It sounds like: That is so cute in a smelly sort of way! That is cute in a reeking, dirty garbage sort of way! Oh my gosh, that cuteness reminds me of that pungent time we found a dead mouse in the attic! Blech.

2. Any sort of electronic reader. I like feeling paper and smelling ink and books and glue binding. I hate reading books electronically and I only do it out of necessity if no other options are available. You keep your Kindle, I'll keep my library card.

3. I do not like caffeine. It makes me shaky and jumpy and I feel easily distracted, like a chihuahua. That should be my own personal coffee tagline: Do not drink this Sarah, it will make you feel like a chihuahua.

4. Chocolate. I know. Controversial. But it just isn't that great.

5. Superhero movies. The Dark Knight bored me so much I wanted to fall asleep because surely my dream would be more entertaining. Iron Man made me feel like reading the phonebook isn't actually the pinnacle of blandness. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't get it.

6. Male falsettos. They just are so...shrill. Apologies to The Mister who has an unhealthy fondness for them.

7. Super competitive people. They think: I come across as strong and competent! We think: You come across as kind of an..... I think you know where this is going.

8. Picky eaters. Sorry, chickies, but there's a time and a place for things. The time for picky eating is in childhood, where hopefully your mother beat it out of you (not literally). Once you're grown, you're allowed like three or four things you really hate and really try to avoid, and then a few more things that aren't your favorite but that you will swallow manfully when in society--but you aren't allowed to dislike everything.

9. Politics as team sport. We don't have jerseys, the red team and the blue team. Your opinion is one of the few things in life that is entirely your own and that is much too valuable to relinquish. Something isn't a bad idea just because someone you don't like said it, and something isn't necessarily a good idea because someone you like said it. Take off the team jersey and think.

10. That one person that rhythmically clicks a ballpoint pen on and off in a quiet room. The person doing it is always blissfully clueless, and everyone else is imagining what it would feel like to have a black belt so they could take that guy down.

  

American food is not a myth

Getting a slice in NYC, September 2011

I'm having one of those weeks where it seems to have suddenly occurred to a lot of people around me that I'm American. Coworkers, friends, and my students have been full of questions this week. Which is great. I don't mind answering them, even when they're asking me for the hundredth time why Americans are so fat. 

But this, this one question, is somehow driving me crazy this week, and I swear if I hear one more person say that American food is limited to hamburgers, hot dogs and junk food or that America doesn't really have it's own food culture I might scream. 

So, listen up, Americans and otherwise: we have tons of foods that are uniquely ours. Sure, we are a nation of immigrants and lots of things (but by no means all) have roots in another food culture, but we have changed many things beyond recognition (I submit to you that seven-layer dip is American, not Mexican) and we have plenty of things all our own.

Off the top of my head:

casseroles

cinnamon rolls

biscuits and gravy

fried chicken (they fry it other places too but our buttermilk-soaked way is called "American style")

pancakes and waffles as breakfast food (elsewhere they're usually dessert, if they're around at all)

barbecue sauce and flavors

clam chowder

chicken and tuna salad

club sandwiches

banana splits

peanut butter and jelly

s'mores

coleslaw

crab cakes

jalapeño poppers

buffalo wings and hot sauce

grilled foods from a backyard barbecue (okay, maybe we co-own this with the Australians)

corn on the cob with butter and salt

buttered and flavored popcorns (white cheddar anyone?)

banana/pumpkin/zucchini bread

pumpkin pie

grilled cheese with American cheese (don't act like you didn't eat this as a kid, no matter how much the thought of American cheese grosses you out now. Also, if the thought of American cheese doesn't gross you out as an adult, you should do some soul-searching.)

macaroni and cheese

cranberry anything

anything with a chocolate and peanut butter combination

baked beans

caesar salads

eggs benedict

Now, I'm not saying we own this stuff exclusively or that other people don't eat it. But it's all definitely part of our American cuisine. And yes, such a thing does exist.

Whew, glad to have that off my chest.

I feel cleansed.

   

Boiling It Down to the Essentials

I loathe:

Waking up before dawn on a February morning and knowing you will have to scrape the ice off your freezing car's windshield before you commute to work, all the while seeing your breath in your unheated car.

Waking up before dawn on a February morning and knowing you will have to scrape the ice off your freezing car's windshield before you commute to work.

Waking up before dawn on a February morning and knowing you will have to scrape the ice off your freezing car's windshield.

Waking up before dawn on a February morning.

Waking up before dawn.

Waking up.