In Which I Blaspheme

Of my many personal failings, both as a human being and a woman, there is one that never fails to be controversial.

And that, my friends, is my distaste for that sweet nectar of the gods.

(I don't really like chocolate.)

I feel a little left out, to be honest. It's lonely out here.

But I just would rather eat beets.

Or mushrooms.

Or asparagus.

Or Doritos.

I am not so much a sweet-tooth kind of girl.

But if I were forced to be, I'm really more of the key lime tart with raspberry sauce kind of girl, or the cake batter kind of girl.

Chocolate is just not my cup of tea.

And it's a little tough living in a chocolate-drenched world, like being left-handed or something; a constant mild inconvenience.

My workaround for the week:
Chocolateless Chocolate Chip Cookies: With Butterscotch.

No, it isn't "Butterscotch Chip Cookies". It's a subtitle, you see. It has a ring. Trust me.

Here is the super-complicated recipe. But beware, it's pretty tough.

Step 1: Follow a recipe for chocolate chip cookies.
Step 2: Come to the line where it says "add your chocolate chips"
Step 3: Think, "UGH"
Step 4: Reach for your bag of delectable butterscotch (or cinnamon) chips.
Step 5: Add.
Step 6: Enjoy!
Step 7: Prepare yourself for the inevitable "I'm disowning you as a friend" or "that's un-American" jokes. They will come.

Oh yes, they will come.

But be tough.

You are not alone.