Lately, with swine flu making itself a pain in the neck among my friends' kids, I have witnessed an astonishing phenomenon. On Facebook, on blogs, in person:
The Otherwise Polite Person Who Dispenses Parenting Advice As If They Were Directly Asked When They Most Certainly Were Not
You know what I'm talking about. Cripes, I'm not even a parent and it gets me all irritated. It seems like for every Facebook status declaring a sick child, there are 12 busybodies ready to jump in with their MUST DO remedy and other hints and tricks. Can't the parent get a moment of peace tending to their kiddo?
And oh, the poor pregnant friends - it seems like there should be a whole chapter (maybe there is?) in pregnancy books, since unsolicited advice seems to come with the territory, right along with swollen ankles and morning sickness.
Now, most (polite) people know that unsolicited advice is the junk mail of life. They know better, they really do. In general, people restrain themselves around other topics. But when it comes to parenting - it seems like no one can help themselves.
You're naming your baby THAT? But how will the teachers pronounce it?
("Wendy", a classic name, was once totally edgy and weird. Moral of the story: People [teachers especially] adjust. Name your child what makes you happy. It isn't our business.)
"You're getting your hair highlighted while you're pregnant? Doesn't that hurt the baby?"
(Most moms in the 50s and 60s smoked throughout their entire pregnancies - obviously not a good thing, but most people escaped without permanent scars. Chill out.)
"Your child gets an allowance for doing chores?"
(Why do you care?)
To me, parenting is like religion or politics - everyone wants everyone else to copy them so that they feel their choices have been validated.
Weird.
Hopefully when I cross those waters eventually, I will remember my manners and not become one of the insufferable advice-dispensers. And hopefully they will be kind and steer clear of me. There is a place for advice - it is vital really to hear from those who have gone on the path before you - but only when it's asked for!
Hear, hear! I hope I haven't been one of those parents you refer to. I do, however, know that whenever you hear about some kind of kid experience, you tend to relive your own life experience that might be similar. Sometimes they just don't want the new parents to make the same mistakes they did. Case in point: Whenever Julia tells me about something Alex has done, I'm reminded of his father (my son) at that age. I don't THINK I'm one of those insufferables you refer to, but then I may be perceived that way. Hope not. Don't mean to offend.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Andrea, I'm sure you could NEVER be one of those people - you are too nice. Plus, in the case of Alex you are a grandmother, and blood relatives get a little bit of extra leeway :)
ReplyDeleteI love this blog! So true! I hope I never start doing that to people.
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